YSunday, June 29, 2008' 20:38
WAKE UP TESSA TANG! ENOUGH OF ALL NONSENSE AND STOP GIVING REASONS! What are you doing? You promise to get well soon within 2 weeks but it's 2 months now! You're not sick. Why must you control? Selfish! Stop thinking for yourself. You're always giving reasons telling people that you're stubborn. This is going to be an end now. Enough of the countings. It's been more than 6 months. Time to stop. No fun. You wanted the happiest moment and you say you want it back now. You aren't taking the actions. You said you can't. It's not that you can't. It's that you're just giving reasons. You are not sick. Just sick in your mind. All these shall come to an end now. This is going to be done by you and it's you yourself. You are making everyone worried. Stop looking at the food ,telling yourself you can't eat them. This is just an excuse you're giving yourself. If you refuse to WAKE UP now, you will never recover!
Here are some pictures:) Had the recruitment drive camp on friday. Shall update more about it in my next post.
Bread pudding by me:)
Busy??
Let's BBQ:)
The girls whom I love most. (including Shermaine)
Poison IVY
YThursday, June 26, 2008' 17:25
Had my last paper today..Well, didn't manage to finish question 3 and question 5 of FPM. Worried? Of course..but I need to take it easy. I know I'll get tensed up easily these days so I must calm down. Thank you so much for listening to me Valval..School is starting on monday. I fear that the thoughts and feelings will be back again. It's been 2 months. I do admit I felt much better after the 2 weeks break . However, the evil tessa is still there despite being harsh on "her". Valval can really read my mind. Eating isn't the problem now. However, I know I'm starting to count again. Therefore, I stopped myself from reading the food labels. I miss those days.
Sorry, no new pictures for this post as Timpani hasn't send me the photos that I took. Maybe this little guy can brighten up your day. This is my little cousin who is 1 month old today:)
YSunday, June 22, 2008' 14:49
Hi people..yup. Started mugging these days. Realised that I'm really lagging behind. Especially FPM and HMT. I'm lost..Thankfully, Howard, Sardi and Weihao helped me through it. Sher and Wee too:) Thanks people. I'm not doing well this semester. It's all my fault. I'm to be blame. No one else. I musn't think about it anymore. Everyone is worried. I must not be selfish. I need to overcome this evil mind of mind. This is bad.
Mummy bought all sorts of breakfast for me this morning. I wanted this kueh initially but changed my mind and wanted sandwich. In the end, I wanted rice crisps. She bought all of them and got to finish up the kueh and sandwich by herself. I felt bad..Especially when it's her chinese birthday today. The calorie thing came to my mind. Sorry people..Use force on me. I don't mind and I need it. Force me my friends..
YFriday, June 20, 2008' 20:59
Hi there..felt much better after this holiday. Well, it's coming to an end.Hope my condition will get better. My appetite became better too..I remembered that I ate like a pig in my secondary school days. I could still remember,Eg. Breakfast: 2 slices of bread with peanut butter and (1/4) cup milo, 9.45am break: Rice with a whole egg and potatos, 1.00pm: duck rice + chocolate milk tea with pearl, after school snack: snickers, once i reached home, i'll snack on biscuit and then dinner. I want back those days..I wish that everything could have just stopped there.
Met up with Da jie Michelle:) She treated me starbucks. Thanks Da jie:))Really enjoy the time with you although it was really short. Hope that we can meet up more often 0r maybe I'll drop by at your area:)) Nicole came later and we had a great time gossiping. Oops:X
Da jie Michelle..:) LOVE HER
I miss those days we had..
Common test is next week..I must start mugging..Not easy for this semester. Let's work hard:) Take care:))
* more pictures will be coming up..:)
Labels: Catch ups
YSunday, June 15, 2008' 02:00
I'm really fortunate and blessed to have such good friends. However, the problem lies with what I'm thinking. I musn't give myself anymore reasons. Eating isn't the problem now. I admit I'm still scared as I don't know when to stop eating. I don't know what's the right amount for me. I fear I'm eating too much. A few chocolate and peanut cookies will make me think that I'm eating too much. I know it's wrong..I'm hungry after a about 1-2 hours after a meal. I dare not eat as I think I'm eating too much again. I shouldn't have taken the book that day. It's interfering my life. I need to stop this. Why must I let 1 stupid book ruined my life? This is disgusting. I hate this. Ken is right. I starve myself for such a long time that I'm not sure when I'm full and when I'm hungry.
I know. My friends are tired. They tried to help but stubborn me just inisists of having my way. I told them to force me but they couldn'. Cos the evil Tessa kept gaving instructions. Evil Tessa is far too strong. The good Tessa must over-right it now. She must take action fast. My friends are really good that I dare not talk to them now. I try not to pair up with them during training. They are afraid they'll hurt me. I understand. I'm sorry guys. Really sorry. Thank you Valval, thank you Jasmine. Your words always trigger me of the importance to stand up. But I know after a few days that evil Tessa will take her place again. I need to stand up. This is disastrous. Shermaine is helping me. I tell her everything. I don't want to disturb her anymore. I'm not sure when will my life come to an end but at least I know I've such nice friends. Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to kill myself but we never know what will happen the next minute.
Kaiwei is right. I need to overcome this by myself. Don't blame yourself girl. You are not at fault. I'm to be blamed. I shou;d throw that stupid book away. I miss those secondary 4 days. I won't fret so much about what i eat. We just kept eating and weight wasn't the what we were concerned. It's our tummy that we want like to fill up. Daddy and Mummy thinks that eating is what I need to do but they don't understand how I feel. I tried to express my thoughts but they just don't get me. I know. Everyone is worried. Even my primary school classmates asked about me. Those aunties in the market are gossiping about it. I hate this.
I enjoy going for kick-boxing. I want to excel in it. I know at this stage I can't. I'm blessed to have a nice boyfriend. He didn't leave me when I needed help but I don't want him to worry. I'm always worried when I go out with him. I fear that I'll meet his friends. I look disgusting. I'm weird. I know they'll laugh at him. This is no fun. I'm sorry frog. Sorry for all the troubles that I've given you.
Labels: Guilt
YSunday, June 01, 2008' 02:37
It isn't nice feeling this way. I'm so tired of this. Why must things turn out to be like that? Am I wrong? I should hve just thrown that stupid book away when i recieve it. It ruined my life. I'm worried. Super worried..I know..I'm the only one who can help myself out out of this issue. I need to stand up. I need to settle this fast or else I'll have to move to somewhere far.Far from all my friends. I don't want this to happen. I may feel ok now..But I know that feeling will come back again. I'll forget about the consequences and move on with the old self. I need to get out of this. It's bugging me. I'm really tired. I need to walked out of this stupid issue by myself. This is the only resolution. STAY STRONG.FIGHT MY WAY OUT.
